Chris's story

I became a carer for my husband Graham after he had a stroke at New Year 2022. Prior to that we had worked together closely running our small family business, with him taking the principal role.  Very quickly after the stroke it became clear he would not be able to return to work and I had to close the business as we did not have enough time to find a buyer.

My only break from caring was twice daily dog walks which gave me the opportunity to get into the fresh air and get some exercise. I was, as happens to so many carers, trapped in a cycle of not being able to get out and do anything for ME. My life – as so many will agree – was focused solely on my husband, despite him saying I should go out.

As part of Graham’s rehabilitation, our GP referred him to our local council-run gym and he received a discounted membership rate because of the referral. I was also eligible for the discount as without me there, he could not have got to the gym. I have, for years, had a sedentary job and have been put off joining a gym because I felt that being unfit (overweight!) I would feel out of place and embarrassed. Thankfully my concerns were discounted very quickly as the staff are welcoming and encouraging and we each started a programme which was suitable for our abilities. 

Then disaster – Graham had a major relapse and is currently unable to take any serious exercise. He encouraged me to continue; I am still regularly going to the gym and it’s having a great effect.

My routine is definitely not intensive – just a five-minute warm up walk on a treadmill, then a ‘hand-bike’ to get the shoulders moving and relaxed, followed by some leg and arm weight work. It is all pitched at what I can do – not intended to build huge muscles – and to just keep all parts of my body moving.  There are, naturally, those who lift weights which I could never even move as well as those who do far less than me, so all in all, I feel comfortable and there is no self-consciousness.

Over the months I have got to know other regulars and some of the staff, so even though I don’t engage in long conversations, I get to say ‘hello’ and we smile and exchange a quick laugh.

The other thing which I find helps me escape is that I have, for many years, loved listening to audiobooks and have a huge collection. During dog walks and at the gym, I lose myself in a book, be it fiction, history, biography or even fantasy novels. This lets my mind focus on something other than caring, which can so easily dominate every waking minute.

Just a few weeks ago I was talking on the phone to a friend about covering for me while I went on a hospital appointment of my own so hubby would not be left alone. This friend asked how I was and I said that as Graham was struggling that day I would not be able to go to the gym. He told me I sounded ‘flat’, I replied that I was feeling fed up and miserable and he said, “OK, get your gym bag ready. I’m on my way over.” He stayed two hours while I was out and when I returned his first comment was that I looked SO much better and was more like my usual self. I had not appreciated that just a short workout – and I am no ‘gym bunny’ and certainly don’t do an intensive workout – could change my mood and even make me look better and more relaxed.

I have known many other people who have had a caring role and have always reminded them to make time for themselves as well the person they care for. I so nearly fell into the trap of not following my own advice. And a great thing came out of the gym work: Graham had a fall a few weeks ago and I was able to catch him and support him before he hit his head on a door frame. Six months ago I would never have been able to do that! 

The only drawback is making the time to get to the gym. I have to drive 20 minutes to get there so need to write off two hours for the return journey and time getting in and out as well as the exercise time. I usually combine this with a quick trip to the shops as it kills two birds with one stone. It’s about the maximum I can be away from home without someone being there, so it does take a little planning.

I would advise every carer to check with their GP or local council if there is a referral scheme in their area. Some councils offer great discounts for those on benefits or low incomes, but you just need to ask. It can seem daunting taking that first step, but take it from me – it’s worth it. As Christmas is not far away, perhaps drop hints to family and friends that they could club together to cover the cost of a gym membership for you… Just a thought!